Family Recovery Coaching
You might not know it, but you need some extra help too.
But, I’m not the one with the problem.
You’ve been waiting forever for your loved one to get sober. This seems like a dream come true. But when they get back home you have the same fights, the same disappointments. What gives?
So many people point the finger at the addiction that they forget to take care of themselves. We hear all the time ‘but I’m not the one with the problem. Yet, you spent countless sleepless nights worrying, hoping, praying. You’ve taken care of their responsibilities without blinking your eyes. You have trudged through your own life living in a trance. Or, you have lived in this idealized version of what things would be like if your loved one were clean and sober. Only those expectations were quickly resisted, again.
This is not uncommon at all. But nobody ever talks about those expectations. This often creates conflict in the home when things aren’t they way they ‘should’ be. See you and your loved one have spent years entrenched in addiction thinking. It isn’t as easy as ‘when they are clean they will be a whole different person. Are you a different person? Nope, you are both the same people trying to navigate the hurt and pain of the addiction. Only this time, you can’t point the finger. It’s time to learn who you are again. It’s time to set some boundaries that you can keep. Time to learn what enabling behaviors really are and how to stop them. It’s time to figure out who you are again.
You thought you set a boundary about their using, but they did it again. Now you are left with more heartaches, pain and anger. You don’t have time for yourself yet again.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is learn how to self-care. Self care isn’t massages and pedicures (although it could be), but on a smaller level self care is doing the basic things for your body that will make a big difference such as eating good food and drinking water. It is so easy to lose ourselves in our loved one when they are active in their addiction. It’s like a freight train that has blown through the station knocking you and anything else over in their path.
You’ve spent a ton of money on them and their habit and now it’s time to show up for your own life. Who are you? What do you want in this world that doesn’t have to do with addiction?
Your excessive stress level has caused physical health problems. It’s quite likely that you don’t have the same energy, motivation or drive that you once had. Maybe you suffer with chronic pain issues or depression and anxiety. It’s time to understand what your brain and body need to recovery. Check out our brain health information below.
It’s time to make the time for yourself. It’s time to learn what you are really meant to do and how you plan on showing up to your own life.
There’s no time for me when they use.
I thought my marriage would be better, but it isn’t.
You’ve held on to hope and faith in your marriage waiting for the miracle of sobriety. But, you’ve been met with a spouse who quit using but you still don’t really like each other. Now what?
The divorce rates increase when sobriety is achieved. Doesn’t sound too pleasant does it? This is because you have spent so much time pointing the finger at the addiction as the problem that you have forgotten all about how to communicate, how to resolve conflict and how to make repair attempts. Instead, you live in a narrative that things will get better when they get better.
Looking at yourself in this process is huge for marital success. Learning how to actually take care of your emotions, express them without rage, anger or shutting down is paramount. See, our anger and discouragement has taken over the marriage. So both of your interactions will remain the same with our without the addiction being present.
Our philosophy is this…if one partner is in treatment, you are both in treatment. Substance dependence is not a single player game. It is a multi player game and needs to be addressed as such. Are you ready to get started?
Let’s Work Together!
If you want to start focusing on yourself, give us a call